On Saturday night (Feb 18th) our whole world sorta turned upside down. It was a typical Saturday for us. We went to the gym in the late morning. I did my typical lay low work out with some legs and walking around the track while Chris’s did his thing and the boys had fun the in daycare. We usually take the kids swimming 1-2 Saturdays a month so today was our swim day. They love the Bett. YMCA pool. We played and swam for about an hour and a half and the boys had a blast. I felt fine, nothing out of the ordinary. We then went to our friends the Pulous’s where Christian could exchange notes since finals was coming up and just hung out for a while. When we got home I cooked an early yummy dinner since Chris had to work at 4pm. When he left I began to tidy up and clean up after dinner. The boys wanted their movie like always on Saturday nights. My body was really tired after a long day so I just decided to lay down for a little bit and rest. Porter came and asked me for a drink of water and when I got up I felt a little trickle down my leg. I was still in my work out clothes and I did have to go to the bathroom so I really did not think anything of it. You know, gotta love how the the bladder works while you prego…it surprised you sometimes…LOL! I changed my clothes and laid down again while the kids watched their movie. 10 minuets later I felt it again, it was not a big gush but just a little trickle like the last one. It still required me to change and I thought this is odd, maybe I have to pee again, and so I tried and I went. Again the same time past and I felt it again and this time I thought maybe since I went swimming that I had some excess water or something up there and it was just now coming out. When I sat down on the toilet some more came out and I did not have to pee so at this point so I became worried and felt like there was really something wrong. I jumped on the phone to Chris at work and told him that I think my water might of broke so he needed to come home right away. He said he could tell him my voice that I was serious and he hurried home. I got on the phone to my Douala, Shari, and told her what was going on and to see if she could come over and check some things out. She checked out my trickled clothes and she said it was clear but it still smelled a little like urine still which I thought too. I told her I had went swimming that day too so it could be that. She checked my stomach and told me that it did feel really soft so she would definitely go in and check it out. I called my midwife and told her what was going on. Her first thought to me was that sometimes after 30 weeks the vagina has lots more blood flow and can kinda trap urine and just come out periodically but she said told me just to be safe to come in the emergency room to check it out. She told me that everything looked fabulous with my last appointment so for how healthy I am that this is probably nothing big but we were going to make sure. When I got off the phone I had a tiny trickle again and all I could think at that moment was, “I am not ready to have this baby…its too early!” I began to cry Shari and Chris comforted me and just said to go and check it out that we really had no clue so not to get too worked up. Chris and Shari’s husband gave me a blessing before I went to the emergency room and I did feel comforted. I thought to myself, “this cant happen, all my babies are full term or overdue.” We went and dropped our boys off at the Pulous’s who are are great friends. They were so generous to take them right on the spot when they knew the situation. We got in the car and drove to the emergency room and that whole time I did have any fluid come out of me so I thought to myself, “OK this is nothing, baby and me will be fine!” When we got there we had to get checked in and then they sent me up to labor and delivery. The nurse to us back to the room and said that the midwife would be here soon. I was hoping for the words, “sorry hun you just peed your pants!” LOL, the only time you wish you have peed your pants let me tell you. While standing up talking to the nurse I felt more fluid come out and then told me to get dressed in the gown and that they would check out what was going on. The midwife arrived and could see how much fluid was on my pants and said lets just check you and see. Sure enough when she checked me a big gush a fluid came out and the test stripped confirmed that it was my amniotic fluid. She checked me for dilation and said I was not even a finger tip dilated which was good. They put the monitors on the baby and he sounded great and I was having small contractions. At this point we were told we would be here for a while. I had not packed anything for the hospital. This was really happening and I began to panic and cry. I kept asking my midwife, “what happened, what did I do wrong, how could I have prevented this, why did this happen?” She stopped me dead in my tracks and said, “you did nothing wrong but everything right.” She continued, “We could not ask for a more healthy Mom and this does not mean this in an unhealthy pregnancy nor does it need to be labeled as such. These things happen and if we knew exactly why, well we would be a gazillionaire!” I asked her if this puts me at high risk for the next pregnancies and she told me no because both my other children have been 40 weeks plus. She said this is simply bizarre but that we would just take what we got for now and try and make everything safe for Mom and baby. This was just a fluke and unexpected thing that sometimes happens and no one knows why. I kept asking, “how can we fix it, can we stop the leaking, can we sew it up?” She then told me it was like putting a popped balloon back together and if she could figure that one out that she would make a lot of money too….LOL! She told me not to blame it on anything, it could have been anything….stress, weak sack, baby switching positions too fast, really we could name a million things. I asked her about my activity level with exercising and she also said that my working out probably was the best thing I could have done for me and this baby. That if anything, that was not at all the reason for my water breaking! They encourage women to be very active during pregnancy since its very good for Mom and baby. All of her comments made me feel better since I just felt so horrible like I did this to my body and baby. She assured me that we were not having the baby tonight or anytime in the next 48 hours and if I could get past that time slot then I would be sitting pretty good.
She immediately said that I needed the steroid shot to make his lungs better develop in case he did come in the next 48 hours. I would only need 2 doses of it to get its full effect. They hooked me up to the monitors and they did say I was contracting but I told them I was not feeling any of them. I guess they were coming every 10-12 min. This was normal because my water had just broke so she said that they will most likely die down which they did. I was then hooked up to a bunch of IV’s, had blood taken, and given antibiotics in case of infection. They tested me for group b step and it came back positive which they said was odd since I never had it with any of my other pregnancies and because of this, this is why I have to have so many antibiotics. At that point I was move to an antipardom room where they said I would staying for a while. I was told I could not eat anything nor could I move off bed rest. The antibiotics were making me feel nauseous and my system was not dealing with them well. I am not sure the last time I ever took an antibiotic so this is probably why. Since I am now considered “high risk” the doctors instead of the midwives had to mostly take over. The midwives however, will still be in to check on me and be there when I deliver which I am happy about. Chris was making me laugh to try and keep my spirits high. He kept telling me how sexy I looked in the hospital gown…LOL!
That night was kind of an overwhelming stressful whirlwind. Luckily we have great friends that have stepped up to help us during this trail of ours and with our other boys, dog, house, ect. We honestly feel so blessed. My hubby has been amazing with is stalwart positive attitude and support. I could not do this with out him. The night was filled with lots of questions being answered, doctors coming to check on me, more iv’s, meds, ect. I not sure I got one wink of sleep the first night here. I told Chris to go on home and get some rest since these next weeks coming up were going to be very stressful on him too. He did not want to leave me but knew I was right. He is playing the roll of Mr. Mom now. Did I mention its finals week? Did I mention in 2 weeks he has board review then take his part 2 national boards? Yes, impeccable timing right? Over break we were going to “nest” for our little boys arrival, have my baby shower, maternity pics, ect. Now all of that has changed. We even had planned to trade in our Element for a new car since it currently does not hold 3 passengers in the back. So, as of now, we have don’t have an adequate vehicle to hold our family…LOL! Needless to say I feel completely helpless, unprepared, and overwhelmed, but my heart is still full of gratitude. The situation could be worse and I have to remember that, “I can do hard things!”
Since I have been the in the hospital a couple days I am updating you on the days I have been been here and what has taken place thus far…
The next day in the hospital was kinda crazy and eventful too. They finally let me get up and take a shower and they finally let me eat something (even though I snuck food…). We had lots of conversations with the doctors and midwives on what is the best and safest thing for this baby boy of ours. Needless the say the doctors are hard to compromise with at times. They want to take him at 34-35 weeks no mater what to prevent infection. There is no way for them to test for infection so its kind of the standard thing. It frustrating to us because we want to make the best decision for our baby. We just hoping and praying he comes on his own when he is ready before or on that mark so I do not have to induced. I feel like if I am not leaking that much fluid, there is not signs of labor or infection that there should be no reason just to take him out of my tummy too early. Having said that I see their side too. It just a scary thing, nothing you want or dream of for your child. I never in my life thought I would ever have a preemie baby since both of my other were 40 weeks plus. I still plan on trying to do as natural as I can as far as induction, pain, ect. My Doula Shari has been a wonderful support of that. Even though its not a full term baby does not mean I have to do interventions if their not needed. I just want what is safe for this little man of mine, that’s all that matters.
This day I also got to talk with the NICU specialist. I wish Chris could have been here with me but he was taking finals. It was hard not to fight back the tears with what he was telling me about having a baby in NICU. He emphasized how he had to give me the “worst case scenario” not that this would apply to my baby in general. It was still hard to hear and think about what my baby will have to go through. This is why I am also pushing for 35 weeks since they do things differently to babies who are 34 weeks and under. He reassured me that they only do what is necessary not just standard procedure which made me very happy. I really liked them and it seems that they are in best interest for the Mom and baby.
When Chris finally got here after finals we had our ultrasound scheduled to take a closer look at our baby to see how he was doing. It was fun to see him and he already looked so cute with his little chubby cheeks. It was most definitely obvious he was a BOY for sure now…LOL! He scored 3 out of 3 in all the categories which was so awesome. His heart, lungs, and brain all looked perfect and he was showing no signs of distress at all. Everything they wanted to see that was good they saw which made us as parents feel so relieved! They usually like to see about 5 levels of fluid but I have 13 levels which is like a regular pregnancy. He was head down but not engaged. Since he is head down this is probably stopping a lot of fluid from coming out which is good. He was measuring at 33 weeks gestation instead of 31 1/2 weeks and his estimated weights was about 3 lbs. 12 oz. He was moving around like crazy and it seemed that he was just very cozy where he was. The ultrasound tech was very pleased and said we should feel grateful with how well he is doing. Oh were we so grateful!! I know if he is our son he will be a little fighter. Our Miracle!
The boys got to come and visit for a while which it was fun to have them here. I miss them so very much and I know this his been so hard on them, not having their Mommy around. Bless their little hearts, they do not even know what to think of Mommy being the hospital. Chris tells me how much they ask for me and want to come and see me, ah it just makes me want to cry. I guess Trey has been asking to read scriptures every night and “pray for Mommy!” What a sweetie. They have been just going to various friends houses for the day while Chris goes to school and then he picks them up when he is done. Oh how thankful we are for such a great ward family! When they come we usually just watch a movie or they bring a couple toys so we can play. We usually eat dinner together as family with the “glorious hospital food”..LOL! Ok it has not been that bad really but it is certianly getting old for sure. Chris brings me some yummy healthy snacks and food so I don’t feel like I am being nutrient deprived..LOL! I am missing my green smoothies, more veggies, hummus, and nuts. It just sometimes hard to not eat the food you are used to eating. Anyway, the boys have fun while they are here but its hard to watch them leave and explain my I can not go with. They each say, “come on Mommy, come on….let go home!” I want to be home with them. Definitely leaves me feeling so grateful for them and that they are mine.
After that the boys were picked up by some friends so Chris and I were could to tour the NICU and get more questions answered since he could not be there the first time they came and talk to me. Even though this is not the ideal situation we want for our baby boy, we feel like he will be in the best care and hands here at this NICU. They tell all parents to plan on them staying until their original due dates however, he might not have to stay long if he is thriving and doing all the things he needs to be doing before he goes home. This summed up our first full day in the hospital.
No dilation, contractions have ceased, baby is moving, and his heart rate was perfect. I was still leaking amniotic fluid but it only comes it spurts with little gushes here and there. Still have plenty of fluid in there and everything looks beyond great for the situation. Still on antibiotics for 5 more days….blah!! They sting and throb when given through the iv since I am so small…some even make me feel nauseated. I know its for the best but I can still say I hate them! On a funny note, as I just sat here on bed rest I couldn’t help but think I wish I would have painted my toe nails and geeze did my legs need shaving!!!…LOL! I also could not help but think about my house and how messy it is, laundry is probably piling up, and I bet the dishes from our last dinner night are still in the sink…LOL! I know it really does not matter but you have a lot of time to think just sitting here. There is still so much we needed to get done before this little man of our arrived and now it kind of just up in the air. Bed rest is no fun especially for an active girl like me but I will do anything to assure the saftey of my son. I had a couple friend visitors this day which made the day not so boring. Daddy and the boys came later when he was done with finals and we had some family time before they had to go home an go to bed.
Day 3 (Today).
Now its seems like I have been here forever and I pretty much told myself to just considered this home for the next little while. Since I did not deliver within the 48 hour mark, I am just here and we just wait, wait, and wait some more. All the doc’s and nurses says I have the best attitude about the whole thing. I just tell myself that its no use in feeling sorry for myself, guilty, angry, ect. None of those feeling ever help a scary situation like this. I finally got off all IV’s thank goodness! No dilation or contractions either! Only on oral antibiotics for another couple days. I am free to rome about and I only have to have the baby monitored once every 6 hours since we are both doing so good. I have not leaked any amniotic fluid in more then 24 hours which is so wonderful. Theoretically they say my membranes can heal itself but there is no way to prove it even if I never leak fluid again. I still have as much fluid as a regular pregnancy. I am still here until baby comes no matter what in case of infection which is hard to wrap you head around sometimes. I really feel wonderful like I could just walk out of here and go home. They say this could not be more ideal situation for the circumstances so I am just feeling extremely thankful for that. I had some more friend visitors today which always make my day go better. The boys will be here soon for super and I can’t wait to hold and kiss them.
It’s amazing when life throws you things like this how it makes you stop and reflect on how truly blessed you are. Chris and I just look at each other and say, “how could our life get more crazy?” LOL! We are here for the long haul and just trying to have a positive attitude with the situation we have been dealt. I am so thankful for all your prayers and thoughts in our families behalf, we have felt them. We know that it will not be an easy road but our trials refine us and make us stronger. I never thought in a million years that this would happen. I have repeated over and over that this has been my easiest, best, healthiest pregnancy. I have felt this great with my other two so this really threw me off and I guess I took for granted the reality of always having a full term healthy baby since I never thought that something like this would happen. Our Father in Heaven is mindful of us and we have felt his love more in the last couple days then ever before. I just hope that one day we can repay all the heavenly helping hands who have stretched out their pure charity toward us. When you do not have family around it such a blessing to have a ward family who loves you and would do anything for you. I am so tearfully full of complete gratitude. Ill keep updating as time passes on. We know that we will meet our baby boy sooner then later and we are just preparing ourselves as much as we can. Until next time….